Tired Zombie, Sad Zombie. Bed Rest Journal Entry

Find below in italics actual journaling I did once during bed rest. It is unedited, except for editor’s notes, which aren’t in italics.

12-3-12 Monday

Normal morning prayer comes 1st. But I was almost like a zombie in terms of being awake. A sad zombie. Haven’t been out of the house since Friday evening [for a doctor’s appointment, if I remember correctly]. Stir crazy. The night before, planned to call Mom in the morn 2 if she could take me out on a jail break: out for coffee! But it was a ”night” like I hadn’t had in a while: toss and turn until 3 am-ish (after 1 sleep cycle) , get up, putter around/fold some baby stuff and put it in better stacks.) go back to bed. Can’t sleep (my rear hurts! Sciatic stuff. & hands swollen.) Back up: make 1 centerpiece [a seated activity for a friend’s wedding] & organize materials for, using Baby’s stroller to keep things corralled yet accessible, ‘ cus I’m creative like that. More puttering. Finally add books to baby registry (The Very Hungry Catapiller!)  Finally, finally laid back down & this time it felt compfy. Grogily realized around 7am, & 8 am, & 8:45 am that Carribou Coffee was just a vain dream. & I want so many things for Erik 2 get ready for me befor he leaves. And what I need 2 do is sleep. So I’m sad. Sad Zombie. Finally finally finally crawl out around 10am and all I want is cereal. & coffee. We have scads of milk (great planning!) but no cereal (how’d we miss that?!). Sad zombie. I decide I only want coffee. Nothing else measures up to cereal. Stop 1/2 way 2 prayer corner w/ my loaded tray [how could my tray have been “loaded” if it only contained coffee? I don’t 1remember. I’ve tried for months. It’s an eternal mystery.] b/c I don’t have energy to go further. @least coffee is @ hand. Will have 2 pray from here. Tell the Lord that “well, this is me. This is what we have. Might as well lay it out the way it is instead of disguising w/ prayers, songs, books. Btw the ipod was going this whole time – loud – w/ non-Christian

 

 

[Entry abruptly ends.]

I guess we’ll see you later,

Miss Mary Clare

PS: Please forgive spelling, grammar, punctuation, and logic errors. I was pregnant. I’d been on bed rest for the better part of 4 months. I like that the errors convey better the reality of the situation.

 

Bed Rest Intro

Here’s a rare picture of me, taken while on bed rest with our first child. It was a good hair day (relatively speaking). The day this was taken, I was fortunate to be able to stand for longer than a few seconds. My activity restrictions lasted the better part of 7 months, up until a week before our baby girl was born. For most of this time, I was unable to work (even a desk job). Often, I felt alone. I’ll go into details with future posts, not because I need sympathy or want to complain, but because I know that there are others out there who are in the same boat.

Whether you are laid up due to a brain injury, on activity restrictions due to pregnancy, or recovering from a major health event, you are not alone. In solidarity, I’d like to share my experience.

Online research is the one task I had time and energy to perform during those 7-odd months. Worry was a big motivator. I craved information (and corn chips). Was my baby ok? Would my mood – normally depressed at that time – affect her? What should I eat? What should I do? How could I possibly stay sane? Would I ever again be able to make cheesecake for myself? How can I care for my husband’s needs when I can’t even get him a glass of water? (I was convinced he needed to drink more water. It was a crusade that I was powerless to fight.) I remember finding little guidance for folks in my situation. I found a couple articles covering tips for how to structure a day while on bed rest, limited information on my condition (pre-term labor), and a few posts and videos on how to exercise while propped with pillows. But nothing, as far as I looked, was comprehensive.

Despite all that, here’s the end result. Pure beauty.

I hope, with this series, that you may better understand friends or family members who deal with extreme activity restrictions. Reading about it here may inspire ideas for concrete ways to support them. Wonderful! They need you. And if you’re going through bed rest yourself, my hope is that you come to a place of hope and peace. And you know what? You can accomplish real tasks, and find some fulfillment in your days, even while on bed rest. I hope this series helps you in your pursuits.

Love,
Miss Mary Clare